Sunday 13 September 2015

FUNDAMENTAL HAPPINESS Series 51 - Depression Cure: Why overcoming Depression looks so difficult...

Depression Cure: Why overcoming Depression looks so difficult...


Hi Friends,


This blog is now over two years old. My book, ARE YOU REALLY HAPPY?  too is shortly going to complete two years since publication.

Many readers of the book/blog, specially the ones suffering from depression and meaninglessness, often write to me. They feel a strong connect with the book, see me as someone they can relate to, and have a strong desire to share their life experiences with me. 

Many of these are sad and poignant accounts - how one may have been wronged during childhood, often being rejected by parents, unloved, or plain victims of insensitivity. The girl child emerges as the most likely object of such carelessness or even cruelty. There is a history of male and female children being treated very differently - and this is not peculiar to only some cultures or geographies. It's pretty widespread. Yes, the severity may differ from place to place. Or, the biases are cleverly covered under the garb of culture or customs. That is not to say that male children have no reason to suffer. Often their sufferings go entirely unnoticed.

If you ask the parents, they may have an equally compelling story to narrate. As a parent I can tell, there is no 'perfect' parent on planet earth. Even the so-called best parents make mistakes. What cannot be condoned is when parent(s) indulge in criminality. The instances are many. 

No matter how sincerely the parents may have functioned, the fact is that the images of childhood that we carry with us, are true and real. What we perceive is real for us. Period.

Much of the depression and despair that I see among youngsters somehow has its roots in their childhood 'suffering'. 

So what do we do now? Such depression appears to be psychological, for it's connected to external causes. But all that I write is about how to overcome uncaused depression. 

My prescription is as follows:

  1. Has it helped you one bit by constantly rewinding to the past, and trying to get to the 'whys?' and 'hows?'? Yes, the past is probably causing depression to us, but somewhere, it has also become a favourite fodder that we must chew regularly to sustain ourselves. Even if you are not convinced with this argument, doesn't matter. Move to the next point.
  2. As an exercise, do this every night before you go to sleep: when it's all quiet, observe and feel your depression WITHOUT connecting it to the 'cause'. Feel the pain of despair and frustration. Just feel it in the body. Don't think about your suffering. Just feel it. 
  3. With practice you will be able to easily feel your depression as part of your existence, completely disconnected with whatever happened to you during childhood.
  4. Noticing your breathing, and feeling different parts of your body helps.
  5. Once you have reached this stage, you'll probably accept my main paradigm that this pain of depression, despair, angst and meaninglessness, is the true inner condition of all human existence, including those who may have witnessed 'happy childhood'. Some are able to distract themselves and never feel the inner pain (well, almost!). I have explained in detail in my book about why human existence is so fundamentally painful.
  6. Just beneath this painful inner self, is another truth of human existence: the fundamentally happy core. The way to this seat of Joy and Peace is, unfortunately, through a lot of unhappiness. You literally have to walk through your pain of depression to reach FUNDAMENTAL HAPPINESS. You are now very close to it.
  7. Even when you are somewhat close to your very own uncaused happiness, it would be a good time to forgive your parents or parental figure or whoever was the reason for your depression. Forgive them with all sincerity. Do that for your own sake. Not as a favour to the erring parents. True forgiveness generates a kind of Joy and Peace that you may not have witnessed before.
  8. Just pause and take a look at yourself now. You have shed a very heavy baggage that you were carrying for a long time. Aren't you feeling light?
  9. You will also secretly consider yourself lucky that you felt so depressed. Without that you could not have found the opening to your fundamentally happy self. You will possibly also realise that you had unnecessarily attached yourself to your unhappy past. You were clinging to it, not being able to let go.
  10. This path will take time. Please do not teat this as a one-two-three step exercise drill. It is an exercise, but it takes time to train your spirits, just as it takes time to train your body. 
  11. This is not a mental exercise at all. Your mind is required to only understand my prescription. Beyond that, it's all about your body and spirit.

The single big reason why we find it very difficult to overcome depression by following the steps mentioned above is our desperate need to cling to the past, and be obsessed with the 'whys' and the 'hows'. We are stuck at the 'reasons' behind our depression, instead of detaching the suffering from its 'cause'. This point needs to be understood very clearly.

Read full descriptions with life examples in my book, ARE YOU REALLY HAPPY? Read it slowly, two-three pages at a time. Internalise, then proceed. After you have finished reading the book, keep reading any page at random. You will discover a strong connect, and be able to sustain your FUNDAMENTAL HAPPINESS

It will help, at this stage, to quickly rewind to some of my earlier posts: (please click on the links below).

Psychological Depression vs Uncaused Depression


Uncaused Depression is a sign of Spiritual Growth. Celebrate it! Embrace it!

Keep reading. Cheers!


Deepak Chatterjee

If you are following this blog through email, the post that you receive in your in-box does not have the blog archives and other features. At times the formatting is not good. For a better view you can see the entire blog at: 

Tuesday 2 June 2015

FUNDAMENTAL HAPPINESS Series 49 DEPRESSION CURE: Never 'fight' depression

DEPRESSION CURE: Never 'fight' depression


Hi Friends,


I come across books on depression cure in the market - and there is a wide variety of them - that hold out the prospect of 'fighting' your depression.

Let me aver that 'fighting' your depression is a sure shot way of increasing your misery and ending up with a monster more deeply entrenched within than before. 

You can never win this 'fight'. Accept it, instead. Rather, embrace it! Most often our depression is uncaused. If you genuinely think there is an external cause for your depression, please read my post: Psychological Depression vs Uncaused Depression (click here to read). 

Struggling against your depression does not help. All you can do is create a false sense of overpowering your inner malaise, largely through ego boost, diversion, changing the way you think etc. In a sense you will be fooling yourself into believing that your depression is under control, until it rears its head again, may be with more ferocity.

I have written this before: all attempts at handling depression at the 'mental' level are futile. Uncaused depression (which is what most of us seem to suffer from), has nothing to do with the mind. So how can mental training help you handle depression?

Uncaused depression is a manifestation of spirit. Those who feel it are sensitive souls. It is actually great news. Give yourself a pat. You need to welcome it and embrace it. This is not a make-believe miracle that i'm totting around. This is a truth that has been known to humanity for centuries, but lost in a very noisy, egocentric and competitive world. We seem to need short cuts for everything. 

Accepting your depression and giving up all defenses against it works like magic. It's not a miracle, but has a basis that is rooted in the way human consciousness has evolved over millions of years. I have explained all that in my book ARE YOU REALLY HAPPY?. (readers from India may click here to get a peak and see reviews)
(readers outside India may please click here)

The mind has the limited role of just understanding the paradigm proposed by me. The solution comes from within - from body and spirit. I have explained it in a step-by-step approach in my book. Take your time to read it - a few pages at a time.

If you finish this book in a few hours it will just be a mental exercise. On the contrary, when you read it slowly, you allow the the dimensions to sink in and become part of your consciousness. Ditto for good music - listen not only with your ears, but with your whole body! I love to watch well made thought provoking, sensitive and deep movies again and again, almost frame by frame to relish the nuances. That's how you imbibe any book, movie, music into your spirit.

I give here a link to an earlier post that you must read: The Only Permanent Cure from Depression (please click here to read). That post will guide you to earlier relevant posts.

Read on. Depression is not such a big problem. We make it a source of misery by misunderstanding it and not dealing with it correctly.

Cheers!

Deepak Chatterjee

If you are following this blog through email, the post that you receive in your in-box does not have the blog archives and other features. At times the formatting is not good. For a better view you can see the entire blog at: 

Sunday 8 March 2015

FUNDAMENTAL HAPPINESS Series 48 - DEMOCRATIC UNHAPPINESS

DEMOCRATIC UNHAPPINESS

Hello Friends,


A lot of uncomfortable events are taking place across the world. Apart from the troubling developments that lend themselves to enormous violence, hatred and insecurity, a whole lot is also happening in democratic societies. Much of that can be passed off as the usual democratic process normally expected in any free society. My perceptive self alerts me to other dimensions. Read on...

Readers are aware of the central thesis of my paradigm on FUNDAMENTAL HAPPINESS: that we human beings suffer from innate tentativeness, anxiety, meaninglessness, emptiness and depression. This basic human condition is so painful that we adopt many strategies to cut ourselves off from facing the muck within. We do so by diverting ourselves from what goes on inside us; we focus on the external - pursue ambitions, chase wealth, stay busy and relevant by doing seemingly important things, look for a romantic partner, and may also latch on to mesmerising personalities, in the hope that they shall redeem us. We whimsically fall in love with an idea without going into any depths. I suspect this blind love helps us cover our ugly and tentative interiors, at least temporarily, until we secure a better, apparently more durable support system - until it lasts!. 

This phenomenon of our love for getting hooked on to an idea or a personality with romance-like zeal is important in the context of my current post. This is relevant to the political fault lines being witnessed in democracies.

Let us closely examine the situation in two democracies: US, the oldest, and India, the largest.

India
From the time momentum was being built around the last general elections in 2014, I have been witnessing an extraordinarily fractured society. There is general distrust and intolerance for any contrarian view. This divide is not between different religions or social classes. Instead, I  notice a very loud and disturbing conflict within the same educated sub-culture. This borders on hatred, based only on political preferences. Today, educated Indians appear horribly split, like never before. This split is bitter, spiteful and spews rigidity, mistrust and impatience.

My belief is that this divide is not based on any true ideological preference. It has more to do with latching on to an idea almost romantically, in the hope that citizens are soon going to experience political bliss. This preference for a particular political order is often expressed with a passion akin to religious zeal. It was not like this before.

I had earlier written two posts: Indian elections - Human Angst and Beyond on April 17, 2104 (click here to read), and Is the Era of Rented Intellectuals Over in India? on June 5, 2014 (after the earth shaking Indian election results) (click here to read). Both captured how the basic human tentativeness, meaninglessness and despair may have got uncovered during the last election process leading to a public display of raw ANGST. 

Since independence, India has been ruled either solely by left leaning political parties, or in coalitions led by them. The only exception were the years between 1998 and 2004, but that too was a coalition.

Sometime around the latter part of 2013, the political dynamics seemed to have overturned, when the old, socialist-secular tricks were not working any more. The discourse changed to the Bharatiya Janata Party versus the rest. And that's where we are today.

This change in the political equation yanked off many 'liberals', 'socialists',  and 'intellectuals' from their traditional comfort zone of an exaggerated 'secular' and welfare politics. The results of the summer of 2014 proved shocking for this section of people in India. This was bound to release human angst - and we get to feel this unease in good measure.


Many of the utterances by the fringe elements of the Hindu outfits are undesirable and often in very bad taste. Raking up past 'injustices' is always a waste of time, and a favourite pastime available to human beings to 'create' external causes for their fundamental inner unhappiness. Nurturing a sense of hurt is one of the most common traps that human beings can fall into and create unhappiness for themselves. I have dwelt on this aspect in detail in my book ARE YOU REALLY HAPPY? Also, the frenzy with which the 'left-liberal' class in India has arrogated to itself the sole rights to decide what is correct, borders on in-authenticity.

Interestingly, if you look at the big picture in India, there is broad agreement on most aspects concerning the country: other than the small fringe, no one wants India to turn into a fundamentalist theocracy. There is a sense of pride in India remaining a truly secular democracy, despite all its imperfections. The vast majority agrees that India needs economic growth, jobs, upliftment of people living in penury, and huge investments in infrastructure. Yes, there could be some disagreements on how to do all this. But should that throw up so much of angst and hatred? Is it not justifiable to suspect that this unease is driven more from ego rather than from any considered long term good of the nation?

And they claim to be liberals! These are the contradictions one has to contend with in contemporary India. You are slotted the moment you open your mouth. You can't speak freely. How long can you discuss the weather?  

And if that was not enough, in the middle of all this you find 'fairytale idealists' who seem to descend from heaven to deliver an entire nation. Educated, intelligent people fall for their abstract ideas. Having given a mammoth verdict just some months back, people now seem to question everything that they themselves had supported then. There is no patience; we Indians can be so cynical! This adds to chaos and confusion. Democratic India has got more noisy than ever before!

USA
The situation in the US is worse, and for more than a decade now. If you are spotted as a 'Republican' supporter in some states and in some academic institutions, your career could actually suffer. Supporters of the opposite view could face similar slotting. A friend from the US once told me (post 9/11) that for the first time in a country which is considered to be the global standard for democratic values, people are scared to openly voice their opinion. They are guarded and avoid spontaneous conversation. 

To make matters worse, the US has the powers to influence world politics. Much of its foreign policies have been dictated by narrow political gains. The world's oldest democracy has been found on many occasions to be preaching something and practising something else. Does the average American have any say in all this? Are common citizens staying aloof? In many ways the two great democracies of the world are witnessing opposite phenomenon, both distressing and unnerving.

Why is it like this? 

My guess is that in both the democracies people have been subjected to a shake-out. In India people have been forced out of their old comfort zones. In the US, people have closeted themselves in comfort zones and are staying out of the big picture. 

I find some hope in India, as the masses, bereft of their traditional support systems, learn to face the truth. In the US, people have to come out of the closet and take positions, for their own good and for the good of mankind.

As long as we do not accept and understand what we are doing in the garb of 'participating in the democratic process', we will continue with the bickering or hide in corners and suffer unhappiness. In the current context, I call it DEMOCRATIC UNHAPPINESS!

Cheers!

Deepak Chatterjee

If you are following this blog through email, the post that you receive in your in-box does not have the blog archives and other features. At times the formatting is not good. For a better view you can see the entire blog at: 

Monday 23 February 2015

A Summary of Reviews of ARE YOU REALLY HAPPY? FUNDAMENTAL HAPPINESS

Hello Friends,

My book, ARE YOU REALLY HAPPY? has been widely reviewed. You will find them interesting...





"The reader will find Deepak Chatterjee to be authentic and real, and his story both inspires and transforms. This is an engaging and impactful read - a truly wonderful book that could change your life." - Stephen M. R. Covey, author of The New York Times bestseller, The Speed of Trust (endorsement appearing on the cover of the book)


Here are the links to some interesting reviews of ARE YOU REALLY HAPPY? that have appeared on various sites:

Amazon (USA): by Somendra Pant

Amazon (USA): by Subhabrata Sanyal

Amazon (India): by Suprabhat Ganguly & Sam

Flipkart (India): by Ajit Dange

Flipkart (India): by Dilip Dasgupta

Flipkart (India): by Preeti Singh

Flipkart (India): by Sohin Lakhani

Review by Privy Trifles (Namrata) in her blog: Reviews & Musings

Review by G S Subramanian in his blog: Sublimation

Review in Business Standard

Review by Financial Chronicle

Are You Really Happy? Find Out: ReadnSurf by Pooja Dubey Srivastava




Cheers!

Deepak Chatterjee


chatterjee.deepak33@gmail.com
www.facebook.com/deepak.chatterjee.944
@Deepak33C


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Saturday 31 January 2015

FUNDAMENTAL HAPPINESS Series 47 - ROMANTIC HEARTBREAK: AN OPENING FOR JOY

ROMANTIC HEARTBREAK: AN OPENING FOR JOY


Hi Friends,

Now, what exactly do you make of the title of this post?

Before you slam me for making such an outrageous suggestion, let me assert that I am not premising that you refrain from romantic or passionate relationships. Rather, I urge you try everything possible that you think will make you really happy. In my book, ARE YOU REALLY HAPPY? I say that none of my suggestions for making a shift towards FUNDAMENTAL HAPPINESS has any moral bearing. So let us keep morality completely out of this discussion.

Romantic love is not something that was discovered in the twentieth century. It has been there from ancient times, and even folk tales and popular culture reflect this very strong aspect of human emotion. 

Many will agree that finding a loving romantic partner gives that sense of bliss and fulfilment. It gives us a comforting feeling of completeness. Suddenly everything seems to fall in place. On the other hand, those who are yet to find their true love or those who have just broken out of a loving relationship, may often feel a strong undercurrent of incompleteness and meaninglessness.

These are not new developments in human society. However, romantic alliances and their break are more out in the open today. The same dynamics exist in conservative societies too, but usually under a cloak of secrecy.

As society evolves, gets more liberal, modern and open, there is enormous peer pressure on persons who have not yet been able to 'find' their love! What we also witness more in open societies, is frequent break-ups in romantic relationships leading to a lot of pain, trauma and often a desperate need to enter into another relationship.

If you are one of those heart-broken, jilted lovers, this is what you must NEVER DO



  1. Do not lapse into self-pity. It's tempting, and at some level does provide some solace. But that comfort is very short lived. You may soon lapse into further misery.
  2. Do not, even remotely, try to pin blame on your ex-partner. Some may make it their life's mission to get even with the partner who rejected them, trying to bring misery at the other end. That WILL NOT make you happy. 
  3. Never get into analysing why the break happened. And, do not fall into the temptation of rewinding it repeatedly in your mind.
  4. Never, beg or plead with your partner to have you back. Even if you get the partner back, you are certain to enter the most hellish phase of your life.
  5. Finally, do not rush to find another partner. Here too the temptation is great, just to find someone to fill the void. If you do so, you will have  'successfully' covered a sense of emptiness, but given away that golden opportunity of finding lasting JOY. Yes, do find another partner, but subsequently from this joyous state, not out of desperation.


Is all this easy to do? No. If you desist from these five possible actions, you will suffer immediate pain. ACCEPT THAT PAIN. Do not fight it, or pretend that you are not in pain. Do not try to divert from it. Just face it. As you PASSIVELY face this suffering, be careful not to get into self pity (point number 1 above) or get angry (point number 2). At the back of your mind remember the five things you MUST NOT do. While observing your suffering, forget the reason behind it. The moment you go there, the mind takes over and you lose the plot. Be courageous, but do not try to ignore the pain.

So, am I crazy that I suggest you adopt a posture whereby you suffer pain? Well, this pain is your door to lasting FUNDAMENTAL HAPPINESS. It will come in flashes and then subside again. In a few days time, you will feel so comfortable that a new realization will dawn upon you. Now you will know that you had earlier attached too much importance to your relationship. You were possibly clinging to it.

When you confront your pain, it helps to consider that this suffering is actually the real inner state of human existence which was successfully covered up so far. Truly speaking, your broken relationship has nothing to do with it. Your alliance had only helped to cover up this inner malaise, and the break-up has helped to uncover it again. The trick is to not try covering it up again. Face it, without connecting it to any cause. The moment you accept this fundamental truth, you will find lasting peace and joy. Now, if need be, go ahead and find a true partner!

My book, ARE YOU REALLY HAPPY?  has a full section devoted on romantic love and its consequences. As I say, you can use any unhappiness as a door for moving towards FUNDAMENTAL HAPPINESS. Romantic break-up is only one example, but a very good one.

For a summary of links to earlier interesting posts: please click here.

Cheers!


Deepak Chatterjee

If you are following this blog through email, the post that you receive in your in-box does not have the blog archives and other features. At times the formatting is not good. For a better view you can see the entire blog at: 

Sunday 11 January 2015

FUNDAMENTAL HAPPINESS Series 46 - DEPRESSION CURE: FOCUS ON REPETITIVE, MUNDANE WORK

Depression Cure: Focus on Repetitive, Mundane Work

Hi Friends,



This is my first post of 2015. May we all have a great, joyful year.

I have been dwelling on Depression Cure for the last few months. More specifically, through my recent posts, I have attempted to come straight to the point: what steps you can take to joyfully emerge beyond depression. I refrain from the usual terminology: beating depression, fighting depression or your victory against depression. Regular readers of this blog and those who have read my book: ARE YOU REALLY HAPPY? will understand why. Struggling is precisely what you have to give up. Do not run away from depression. Observe it, Embrace it, it will melt away. At the end of this post I will give links to some of my earlier posts on this. They will be helpful.

Now, here is one other simple way of quietly moving into the NOW and finding a joyful existence beyond depression and boredom. 

Our daily lives are full of activities that are repetitive, often mundane and do not require much attention. Yet, we cannot skip them. How about quietly focussing on them? I have given some examples in my book from my lived experiences. 

I was exchanging notes with my daughter about where our minds are when we drive. During my younger days, I used to drive mostly on my reflexes. I recall having driven, say, from work to home, with my mind being everywhere except on my driving! I often shudder to think that on reaching home I was able to recall nothing about my driving, neither the route nor about how I negotiated it. I only remembered my train of thoughts; and those had nothing even remotely to do with my driving! 

All those who are confident about driving and do not have to think too much will understand this situation. My daughter shared exactly the same experience with me.

Forget whether you enjoy driving or not. Just try and focus on everything that you are doing while driving. I'm not suggesting that you get tense. If you are a relaxed driver, you cannot force yourself to get stressed. 

Just passively notice all that you are doing. How you navigate, respond to the traffic on the road, how you slow down, wait at signals, how you turn, accelerate... and so on. All this you can do on reflex. But I am suggesting that do not drive on reflex. Just observe each action of yours. Turn off the radio. Your mind will want to wander away. Gently bring it back to your driving. Feel the steering wheel that you are holding. In short, it is as if you are closely observing someone else drive!

If you can manage to do this every day, by the time you get off the car, you will notice a new kind of peace descend on you. As you make this a habit, you may notice more peace, a general cheerfulness and a sense of joy within.

One by-product of this practice is that your driving will be safer! Next, you can find so many repetitive, mundane things that we have to do every day. Every time you get busy in any such activity, just remember: do not let your mind wander; and observe yourself closely.

Some people enhance their driving pleasure by listening to loud music, or by getting thrilling kicks. I am not suggesting any of those measures. For, my focus is not to make your driving pleasurable but to help you to move closer to yourself. Do notice that I have suggested you turn off the car radio. Driving is just one example. It could be routine office work or any daily chore at home.

It is like doing whatever you are doing, with your entire being. It's like driving with your being. Our daily lives offer us many such opportunities. If you can master this practice, you will have found an excellent way of moving into the present moment. That is where you find JOY!

You will find this helpful even you are not 'depressed'.

Here are links to some prior posts that are always worth a revisit (please click on the links below to read):

Depression: Threshold to a New Kind of Joy

How to Celebrate Uncaused Depression?

The Only Permanent Cure from Depression

Psychological Depression Vs Uncaused Depression




Cheers!

Deepak Chatterjee

www.facebook.com/ChatterjeeDeepak
@Deepak33C

If you are following this blog through email, the post that you receive in your in-box does not have the blog archives and other features. At times the formatting is not good. For a better view you can see the entire blog at: