FUNDAMENTAL HAPPINESS Series 39 - JEALOUSY DESTROYS YOU FROM WITHIN

JEALOUSY DESTROYS YOU FROM WITHIN

Hi Friends,

Summary of earlier unmissable posts: click here

Allow me to write this piece on what many of us have experienced in varying degrees quite often - we may have suffered its worst consequences, but have brushed it aside: the green-eyed monster, jealousy!

Everyone will agree that jealousy is a painful experience. The person who is jealous of someone is certainly in pain. But who is responsible for this pain? The finger will most likely point towards the person we are jealous of. So that person is the perpetrator and the jealous person is the victim, right? Its a convenient argument, and may also provide some false comfort, even a shield from the pain of jealousy. Such arguments often co-exist with self-pity, yet another indulgence that gives us false comfort ! The worst situation arises when the jealous person is so angry that he might want to harm the person he is jealous of!

That's not an extraordinary reaction. Have we not heard of even murders prompted by jealousy?

Having come this far, we can agree on the following:

• Jealousy is painful.
• From jealousy arises the dislike/hate/loathing of the person one is jealous of.
• Jealousy can lead to disruptive situations, which can often be dangerous.
• The entire atmosphere (family/workplace/friends' circle) gets vitiated.
• Even persons who are not jealous often get trapped in the cross fire and suffer collateral damage.
• Jealousy is bad for everyone; so the best thing to work on is how to not get into it in the first place.

Then, what is the cure? How to quickly get out of jealousy? Better still, how to not get jealous at all? These are the basic questions we can dwell on.

The first step that you need to take is to acknowledge that you are jealous. The initial hints of jealousy need to be honestly owned up. Having acknowledged them, do not condemn yourself for being jealous. Like so many negative human reactions, this too is a very human response. But as you read on, you will realize that, much like anger, it's a stupid reaction.

All that you need for acknowledging your jealousy is some degree of authenticity (honesty) and a bit of courage. 

Why do you need courage? This is important, and you must understand it clearly. For many of us jealousy is so strong that we have made a solid brickwork around it. Worse, many of us draw our sustenance and energy from it. We have made it the reason for our existence! There are a few countries whose sole reason for existence is hatred towards another country, we humans too fall into similar traps. We create hate objects backed by the force of jealousy. And, that keeps us going!

If such a person has to honestly acknowledge that he has been jealous, imagine his plight. He has to give up something he was leaning on for a long time. He  might suddenly discover a hollowness, an emptiness, a void that can appear to be quite scary. So, you need the courage to acknowledge jealousy and face all that goes on within you after noticing it.

And, that's the next step. Having truthfully acknowledged your jealousy, just observe yourself, without any mental analysis. It is best to do this during the stillness of the night. Lie down and notice what is going on within. You may discover a fair degree of inner turmoil. You may even feel the pain of jealousy as though it were a physical pain. Just passively observe it. Do not try to attribute this uneasiness to something or someone. If you can hold onto this posture for some days, you may reach a point where it dissolves and you discover the peace and joy of existence within. 

Remember, there will be a strong temptation to escape it all by attributing this pain to the person you are jealous of. If you do so, you have lost it and you will slide back all the way to the hell-hole of jealousy. On the contrary, if you can truly notice the pain within, without any mental analysis, you are moving into a world of bliss.

Yes, you are now close to the FUNDAMENTAL HAPPINESS  deeply embedded within us. If you look back now, you will realize how utterly foolish and stupid it was to be jealous.

Those of you who read this blog regularly, or have read my book ARE YOU REALLY HAPPY? will be quick to understand that jealousy too can be an opening to move towards FUNDAMENTAL HAPPINESS. As I keep saying, you can use any unhappiness as a portal to move towards joy. Also, persons on a journey towards FUNDAMENTAL HAPPINESS will never ever fall into the trap of jealousy.

By the same token, much of the suffering on account of jealousy is, really speaking, the basic human unease which too happens to be the true inner condition of human beings. We do so many things to keep this inner unease at bay. Inviting jealousy might be just another way, for it 'justifies' the inner pain by making another person the 'source' of the suffering.

But if you latch onto jealousy and solidify it, you are not only adding misery to your existence but making others around you unhappy too. Jealousy destroys you from within. You may look fine externally with the help of a fake existence, but you are finished inside. You will not find spirit. The quality of your life, your output at work and home are likely to be poor. Relationships will be affected. Creativity will certainly be at its lowest. Would you like to live like that? 

Think.

Deepak Chatterjee

chatterjee.deepak33@gmail.com

www.facebook.com/deepak.chatterjee.944

@Deepak33C

If you are following this blog through email, the post that you receive in your in-box does not have the blog archives and other features. At times the formatting is not good. For a better view you can see the entire blog at: 

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FUNDAMENTAL HAPPINESS Series 38 - FUNNY MYTHS SURROUNDING SPIRITUALITY

FUNNY MYTHS SURROUNDING SPIRITUALITY

Summary of earlier unmissable posts: click here

Hi Friends,

I have been writing on non-religious spirituality for over a year now. Some of you would have also read my book, ARE YOU REALLY HAPPY? I have touched, both through this blog as well as in the book, upon this aspect of how spirituality is often misunderstood. It occurred to me that a post on this, rather funny, aspect of myths surrounding spirituality could be insightful. Here goes...

1. The most common misunderstanding about spirituality is confusing it with religion. Religion is a personal belief system. Spirituality has nothing to do with any 'beliefs'. It's about your connection with your true self as a living being. We are conscious of so many things surrounding us, but are we conscious of our consciousness? In short spirituality is all about self-awareness. Those reading this blog, or who have read my book, will be able to easily appreciate this. The funny part is that for many people, including the intelligent, well-read kinds, spirituality brings to mind the picture of sadhus and saints, deeply immersed in prayers. I can say about myself: I never pray, in the traditional sense. Quietly observing my inner self is my best prayer. I am not suggesting that you abandon religion. It is possible to hold religious beliefs and still be spiritual, though that is not a necessary condition. However, I have cautioned in the past that excessive religiosity could block your path towards FUNDAMENTAL HAPPINESS.

2. Often, spirituality is confused with the occult, mysticism or even magic. It is none of that. There is no place for miracles in spirituality. You do not get any super natural powers. Rather, you become more human, something that you were otherwise blocking from happening due to a thousand diversions and falsehoods. Spirituality is about intellectual honesty, about authenticity. 

3. Another common myth about spirituality is the presumption that you have to totally give up all worldly joys, possessions, positions and live a frugal life devoid of the usual comforts that we are used to. Many may carry images of living life like a hermit in caves or forests! Let me assure you, it's none of that. I was a CEO for three years in my previous assignment, and have again joined as CEO at another place. Yes, you need to honestly observe your addiction, if any, to all the things that we consider important. Even truly recognizing your craving brings more spirit in your life. Spirituality helps you to allocate the true value/worth of all material things in your world. You can still enjoy them, but from a position of greater awareness. Possibly we were earlier attaching undue importance to them. Enjoy them without clinging to them.

4. Yet another presumption about spirituality is that it brings about a grim and serious life. Far from it, you enjoy a life of mostly peace and joy. I won't be surprised if your sense of humor gets enhanced. You are less likely to get upset over small, petty things. And, there is no place for EGO! Now, if you feel an ego-less life is going to be boring and serious, that's your judgement. Also, do not confuse absence of ego with the inability to take a tough stand or a position in your personal or work life. That is most likely to be guided by sound principles, if you are a person of spirit. My take is that spiritual persons are more easily able to take a principled stand, for they do not suffer from insecurities.

5. Finally, many think spirituality is all make-believe stuff with no scientific or rational basis bordering on witchcraft! Let me assert here that spirituality is fully amenable to science. There is nothing in it that contradicts any scientific principle. That's so for the simple reason that spirituality offers no miracles. You remain human (rather, you become more human). In my book ARE YOU REALLY HAPPY? I have devoted a section on the common ground between science and spirituality. Read it; you will find it revealing and interesting.

This last point needs a little more elaboration. We are generally very proud about our rationality. By all means we ought to be rational. That's what distinguishes us from animals. Rationality gives us the power to make choices, draw conclusions and come to judgments. But think about it - making a fair judgment and being judgmental are two very different things. Where do you draw the line? We believe we are completely objective beings, and in the process block creativity, innovation and fresh thinking. For all that you need to allow is some subjectivity in your lives. Tell me, is being subjective irrational or unscientific? Some people love mountains more than sea, or poetry more than music. Can there be any objective basis for such differences?

The problem arises when subjectivity gets clouded by ego. No good painting, work of art, fashion designing, soft skills are possible from an obsession with objectivity. Be objective, but don't block subjectivity. Being subjective is human. Subjectivity allows you to feel yourself closely. It unshackles you. On the contrary, Ego traps you. It confines you. You can never experience the joy of freedom as long as you are chained by ego.

6. So, we keep shunning spirituality branding it as occult, mysticism or plain religiosity. In the process we are depriving ourselves the only, lasting cure against depression, anxiety, hopelessness, despair and meaninglessness that seem to afflict all of humanity at the very core of its existence. Not convinced, yet? Read on...

Cheers!

Deepak Chatterjee

chatterjee.deepak33@gmail.com

www.facebook.com/deepak.chatterjee.944

@Deepak33C

If you are following this blog through email, the post that you receive in your in-box does not have the blog archives and other features. At times the formatting is not good. For a better view you can see the entire blog at: 

http://fundamentalhappiness.blogspot.com/