FUNDAMENTAL HAPPINESS Series 40 - JEALOUSY Part II: From where does it arise?

JEALOUSY Part II: From where does it arise?

Hi Friends,

Summary of past unmissable posts: please click here

My last post (Series 39: please click here to read) was on how destructive and painful jealousy can be. I had also written on ways to deal with it, and how to use it as an opportunity to move towards a life of joy.

The enthusiastic response that post has received has encouraged me to write more on the subject, especially to identify the root cause of jealousy. From where exactly does jealousy originate?

Once again, there may be a temptation to point fingers at the person we are jealous of. That person appears to be the reason for jealousy; it could be that person's popularity, success, wealth, or any silly comparison.

Let me reproduce here a section from my last post:

"By the same token, much of the suffering on account of jealousy is, really speaking, the basic human unease which too happens to be the true inner condition of human beings. We do so many things to keep this inner unease at bay. Inviting jealousy might be just another way, for it 'justifies' the inner pain by making another person the 'source' of the suffering."

Does that ring a bell? Regular readers of this blog will understand. To rewind a bit...

We humans have accumulated pain in our existence for centuries. As a result, the collective human existence is that of misery and suffering - not entirely for any tangible external cause, but simply un-caused. I have given a detailed description of this inner human malaise in my book ARE YOU REALLY HAPPY? with numerous evidences drawn from art, literature, movies, as well as examples from day to day life. 

It may be difficult for us to easily accept the reality of this suffering at the level of spirit, but it is real. It often manifests as mental depression or anxiety, or plain meaninglessness, despair, tentativeness or uneasiness - a general dissatisfaction that does not result from anything external. Those who notice and acknowledge it honestly are really the fortunate ones, for they have the opportunity to move beyond it and towards FUNDAMENTAL HAPPINESS. 

The vast majority do not feel this inner uneasiness. We continue our day to day lives by keeping it suppressed through many actions like staying busy, running after fame, getting into ego battles, unending greed for wealth and accumulation, non-stop entertainment... In short there is no 'pause' in life where we could possibly feel our inner malaise.

This may well continue 'successfully'. But the problem arises when we get broad hints of our innermost unhappiness, yet deny it, and look for external reasons to justify it. Blame game, playing the victim and complaining are some of the usual practices. Jealousy is just another of those tricks to fool ourselves into believing that someone else is responsible for our 'unhappiness'.

Friends, if all of us can accept this reality of human existence, this world is going to be much better and joyful.

Many external events 'trigger' our inner unhappiness and encourage it to rear its ugly head. Those external events are NOT the CAUSE for our unhappiness. They are just a trigger. The 'successfully' locked up inner condition leaks out. We are rattled but still in denial. That's when we look for 'reasons' and intelligently create them. We are so smart that we do the job very convincingly. We create hate objects. That reduces the pressure on us. In the process we lead inauthentic, artificial lives.

Amid this tentativeness, if we find another person who seems to be happier, wealthier, more successful, popular... why do we feel upset? It tickles our own inner unhappiness, which we have been dealing with almost unknowingly. So the unhappiness that we now feel 'appears' to be the result of comparison with that other person. In reality, our innate unhappiness has been provoked. It was always there, deeply tucked in.

We have the extraordinary opportunity to honestly acknowledge our inner condition and transcend it, moving towards a life of JOY. (How to do so is given in detail in my book and in many posts of this blog).  But we fall into the trap of jealousy and create a hate object. Ironically that may appear to give us some strength to deal with our unhappiness. But we have moved far away from spirit and FUNDAMENTAL HAPPINESS. And, we solidify the unhappiness within us. We get destroyed from within.

Response to an interesting query:

My previous post evoked an interesting query: "Isn't some degree of jealousy good, for it encourages you to compete and do better in life?"

My response:

Feeling encouraged and enthused by another person is a positive sentiment. As long as the thought, "I too can do it" stems from a positive emotion where you genuinely admire the other person and feel like emulating him, is certainly welcome. There is no negativity. You do not add any pain within you. Rather, you may have discovered a good outlet for past accumulated pain.

In contrast, jealousy is an entirely negative response, steeped in unhappiness. Whenever you feel like emulating someone, honestly ask yourself: are you happy to do so? Or, are you doing so out of unhappiness?

Makes sense? Read on...

Deepak Chatterjee

chatterjee.deepak33@gmail.com

www.facebook.com/deepak.chatterjee.944

@Deepak33C

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